Love isn't all coke and roses

The term "Love is not all wine and roses" is a common idiom I heard growing up as people waxed poetic, knowing little about love, wine, or flowers. It may have derived from a poem by Ernest Dowson, which referred to "the days of wine and roses: out of a misty dream." The great Tim Minchin has a lyric in one of his songs: "Love is not all wine and roses, sometimes it's handcuffs and cheese." I like that version the best. 

1 oz Fords Gin Officers Reserve

0.75 oz Cocchi Rosa 

0.5 oz Agwa

1 barspoon Lime Acid Solution

10 drops Crude Sycophant Orange and Fig Bitters

Stir all the ingredients together with ice and strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with an orange twist flower. 

Agwa is a liquor with the prominent flavor of coca leaf, the base used to produce Cocaine. The additive's illegal elements have been removed (where they went, I don't know). There is an invigorating spice kick to this herbaceous liqueur and cocktail. 

Perhaps I overstep here, but I had two bottles of Agwa kicking around and thought the name was funny. I do not partake in anything implied in this drink and discourage anyone from participating in unlawful behavior. But if music, TV shows, and other media are allowed to poke fun at a subject matter, why can't other artistic expressions. I even drank an energy drink named Cocaine, though they did get shut down in some countries. I doubt I'll get any big liquor companies dying to advertise this drink on their own media, but I hope the concept inspires somebody to make something they wouldn't have thought otherwise. Eat and drink the weird stuff. Traditions exist, and you can get by simply following them. But we live in an age where everything everywhere is available to just about everyone if you are willing to pay the shipping costs. Have a laugh

Bhang! Cannabis Smoothies, a Diwali Tradition (NSFW)

Cannabis smoothies are becoming a bit popular in the states these days. People are adding weed to their breakfasts and just about anything else. Weed has been around for ages and is a part of more than one religion it turns out. Aside from the Rastafarians, the Hindu religion has a lot of affiliation with cannabis. Many of their gods smoke, which may explain some of their stories. During the Diwali holiday, which is a sort of Hindu New Years, they drink a milk based smoothie with cannabis leaves. Be aware, this is not a single serving, This should serve about 20 people. 

1/4 oz Cannabis (buds for this recipe)

1 cup Water

2 1/4 cup Whole Milk

1/2 cup Cream

10 Almonds

1 teaspoon Sugar

1 teaspoon Saffron

1 teaspoon Cardamom

1 teaspoon Fennel seeds

2-3 dashes Rose Water

You will also need some cheesecloth, a mortar and pestle, and your usual kitchenware like bowls, funnels, strainers, and a bottle to serve. 

To prepare you will need to soak the almonds overnight. Then remove the skins. Muddle the skinned almonds into a paste.

Start by removing any stems from the buds of cannabis. Discard these. If you are using dried buds, like most people do, you will need to hydrate the buds a bit. Boil a cup of water and add the weed and heat till it soaks up the water. Heat a 1/2 cup whole milk and heavy cream mixture (you could use half and half). Add the cannabis, milk mixture, and almond paste to a mortar and muddle until it becomes one consistent paste in the milk. More muddling doesn't really hurt, it just allows more time to infuse. You may need to do this in stages depending on the size of your mortar. The almonds and the fats in the milk with start to pull out the oil in the plant. Heat 2 cups whole milk mixed with 1/4 cup cream in a pot.

There are a few ways to go from here. You can steep this entire paste in the warm milk and let the flavors all mellow out, which does add some grassy flavor, or you can sort of wash the paste in cheesecloth with the warm milk which is much more labor intensive to get the cannabis effects but does greatly reduce the grassy taste. I personally don't mind a little grassiness so I'll just go with the method we used for this last batch.

Add the weed milk almond paste concentrate to the milk mixture over heat. add the spices and rose water and stir constantly for 30 minutes. Do not let it boil or allow scum to form on the surface. Set up a rig of three layers of cheesecloth over a mesh strainer over a funnel over a sealable bottle. Pour the mixture through the cloth slowly, allowing it to filter into the bottle. Allow this to cool and then squeeze the cloth to extract as much of the fluid as you can. you may want to repeat this filtering process. Chill the bhang. Shake before serving.

 Take note this is exceptionally potent and it takes a while to kick in. Start with no more than a shot glass worth and wait an hour to 90 minutes before taking anymore to gauge the effects. This is a fat based edible so it takes longer for the body to process than smoking.

"We didn't have rehab in the 70's. Back in the 70's, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks."
- Denis Leary

Greatest Bar Conversation I've Ever Seen (NSFW)

Bars and pubs were originally almost a sort of town hall. There are many tales of the founding fathers of America planning the revolution and writing the documents we read about in grade school. Bars for most people these days are a means of cutting loose, possibly venting your problems, and having a laugh.

If you work in this industry long enough in front of the house you hear a lot of interesting conversations. I've seen first dates crash and burn. I've heard lawyers give counsel to clients. I've heard businessmen negotiate deals and a couple politicians talking shop. There have been many rousing debates ranging from "Who was the star of that movie?" to far more serious matters. There was one conversation I partook in the other day that I believe takes the cake in terms of the greatest bar conversation.

What is the best food to eat while receiving oral sex?

I can't exactly remember how this conversation wound up to its final point of debate. I know it started with the idea of the greatest sensation a person can experience, or more sensations experienced simultaneously.

There is a great comedian by the name of Dylan Moran who I've referenced a few times in my blog. He was on stage one night said, "I know you people really want. I know what everybody wants. You're thinking 'I want to be laying down on a cushion, with my mouth full of chocolate, and something lovely happening to my lower half.' that's all you want."

A more commonplace idea I hear discussed is the idea of a "Shower Beer". This is a fabulous thing which I've partaken in many times. The hot with the cold, the relaxation, it's grand. But then the idea of "Shower Beer and a Blowjob" came around. A truly epic idea, which I may or may not have experienced. This was the case at the particular bar I was in one fortunate evening. The bartender said that she was partial to cheese fries and cunnilingus, perhaps the most modern American sentence of all time.

The debate raged with a few common agreements being made. Nothing using utensils where you had to cut the food up, or anything being excessively spicy need be considered. Various styles of pizza were a favorite. The joke of 69ing was of course made. But the idea really does sort of circle around the ego boost of the activities. You're feeling like king or queen of the world, like the great caesar being fed grapes by a concubine. Sushi was popular for a few people.

A few people went the desert route with ice cream sandwiches or chocolate-covered strawberries. Someone just said a milkshake. One particularly interesting person said fondue. With cheese, we circled back around to savory. Peanut butter and jelly, lobster Mac'n'cheese bacon-wrapped shrimp, ribs, wings. I personally think wings would be too much of a distraction. Gummi bears were well received. But a favorite was fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

What's your answer?

What's the best discussion you've ever overheard?

Photo Credit: pxhere, pixabay